oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
