Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
