She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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