I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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