Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
