So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
