You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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