If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
