i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
