its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
