Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
