margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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