i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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