her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
