I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
