I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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