he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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