if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I could make wine with my vomit
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize