I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
