dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
