We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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