I have demons in me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
