then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
