no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
