He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
