At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
