My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
