I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
