I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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