problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
