is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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