Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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