I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
