I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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