Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
