Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
