.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
