I just threw up on my dentist
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
