Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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