Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
