I skipped work to stalk him.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
