Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
