I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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