my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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