We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
