Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need to calm my uterus...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
