Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
