Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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