FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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