you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
