but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
