I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
