dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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