I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
