Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
