Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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