summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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