Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
