There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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