worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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