party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
