She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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