so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
