this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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