Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
