do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
