i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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