Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
