His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
