Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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