I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
