He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
