I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
