I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
