I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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