I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
